Brexit - Leave or Remain? Jeremy Corbyn - an inspiring man who inspired a generation to get involved in politics, or an anti-Semitic Russian spy from the IRA? Trans rights - do they contravene feminism, or do they not? Israel - do they have a right to murder innocent children, or don't they?
The way I've phrased particularly the last one probably gives away my own opinion on it (I never pretended to be impartial!) but let's face it, we've all come up against people on the Internet who we absolutely dread talking to, haven't we? People who have expressed opinions to us that we've thought, 'How on earth can I deal with that?'
It's extremely tempting, in these conversations, to just ignore these people and gravitate towards people who agree with you. I do this as much as anyone, and it's impossible not to at times, but I also worry that the more we branch off into echo chambers the less social progress we make, so I try to reply to people as much as I possibly can. I also think that in terms of my own personal emotional development, I've become better able to express my own feelings about things as a result of having practised.
So, if you'd like to get better at this, here are some useful tips:
1) Know when it's worth it, and when it's not
I'll make clear from the beginning that there are some people that are just not worth the time or energy. We've all come across people like that, and sometimes it's hard to distinguish them from people who would listen if you took the time with them. The way that I usually tell them apart is that I refuse to respond to someone who uses the 'laugh' emoji on something I've said. I find the laugh emoji on social media very unpleasant - it's not even a nice image, it reminds you of a primary school bully, and it's really not nice to laugh react to someone who is saying something that means something to them, no matter how wrong you think they are.
So my rule is that as long as they don't use the laugh emoji on me, I'll do my best to politely reply, no matter what they say. If they use it though, they're letting it descend into outright unpleasantness, and then I won't bother (unless of course I've said something that was meant to be funny, but it's usually obvious when that is).
2) Make sure you know your own viewpoint inside out
It seems like an obvious one, but it's worth reiterating. Make sure you know what you're talking about. If you're just repeating the same point over and over again, people are unlikely to take any more notice the sixth time than they did the first time.
Be able to back up your points with evidence beyond just your own personal opinion. Have links to hand that you can immediately send people (this is also quite useful in the sense that you may not have time to write a detailed response, but you can still send someone a link that backs up your points).
3) Make it personal
Having said the previous one, I also find it so helpful to be able to use my own personal experiences! If you've got a human touch to you, you seem less robotic and therefore more easy to engage with.
4) Take your time
One of the worst things about debating online is the fact that sometimes it's tempting to respond too quickly. I've had so many times that I've written back to people without really thinking about it for long enough, and then thought, 'Oh hell, why didn't I say that? That would have won me the argument!'
There's no shame in taking a couple of hours to think over what the person said. Hell, it doesn't matter that much if you reply the next day, or even the next week. I always think it's far nicer to know that someone's taken the time to think what to say than been hurried with me.
5) Remember that the other person might be right in some aspects as well
I don't believe that debating is always about proving the other person wrong. I've had debates where I've come to realise that I was wrong, and that's worth taking into account. So when you read something the other person has said, don't read it and just immediately think how you can prove it wrong. Think to yourself, 'Is there anything here that they may have a point about?'
There are quite a lot of times when you realise that you're actually quite similar to one another, and can bond over something.
6) There's always the next time
If it doesn't go well, and you come away thinking, 'I didn't explain that very well', it's not the end of the world! Just take some notes on how you'll handle it the next time you're in that situation.
And don't ever let someone disrespect you or say anything personally nasty about you. No one has the right to do that (you also don't have the right to do it to anyone else, even if they're already doing it to you. Two wrongs don't make a right.)
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