I was born on Tuesday, 19th October, 1993. As of the day of me writing this (13th December 2019) I have been alive 9,551 days. I can truthfully say, without being dramatic, that yesterday was the worst day of my life.
Before anyone asks, this wasn't just because of the election results - it was just one of those days where everything that can go wrong does, from a minor annoyance (my boyfriend lost his hat) to a pretty frustrating irritation (I had lunch in town, and it wasn't very nice) to something that worries me professionally (I had a phone conversation with a professional contact, and it didn't go the way I hoped it would). But of course, if Labour had won the election it would have made all of those things better. They spectacularly lost, making a pretty shit day into an utterly catastrophic one.
As I write this the evening after, I am pretty tired, having only really spent three of the last 36 hours asleep. I had prepared myself for it to be bad, but nothing had ever prepared me for it to be that bad. Before the results, I was really anxious but kind of feeling that a Labour win might happen (perhaps backed up by the SNP, but I could live with that). I had resigned myself to thinking that the Tories could cling to power again, or even increase their vote share and get a majority. But it was far, far worse than that. Labour did so badly that the Tories got what on air was referred to as 'a thumping majority'.
There are all sorts of reasons for this which I'll go into in more detail in tomorrow's blog when I'm less tired and can formulate a sentence better. This one is more about how to avoid despair.
I was absolutely gobsmacked at the result. My poor boyfriend had to cuddle me for hours, and even then I wouldn't settle. Normally I sit up all night, but this time I was convinced to go to bed at around 3am (a bit pointlessly, because of course I couldn't sleep). But thankfully, I have spent the day thinking to myself about how I'm going to deal with this.
When David Cameron's Tories were re-elected in 2015, I was in the second year of my Creative Performance degree in Colchester. My University experience was not a happy time and my memories of it are a bit blurry, but I did write these two quite positive blogs on the election. They've been interesting to re-read (they're a lot less cringe than I was expecting!) It has been fascinating to see how much has changed, but I think most of what I wrote then is still relevant to today.
I can honestly say that I'm far more frightened now than I was in 2015. In my previous blog, I said that I believed this to be the last chance to get change - and in truth, I still believe that. I know this isn't a nice thing to hear, but realistically I think we've lost the battle now. I believe that so much damage will be caused by Boris Johnson's administration over the next five years that it will be irreversible - things like dodgy trade deals, environmental destruction and boundary changes in constituencies aren't things that even the best future Government can undo. Not that I think there will BE a good future Government - with the departure of Jeremy Corbyn comes what to me feels like the departure of the Labour Party's belief that an alternative and positive politics is possible or desirable. I have been wrong in the past, many times, and I'll be wrong again in the future. I sincerely hope that this is one of those occasions on which I'm spectacularly wrong, and that one day on a subsequent blog I'll link back to this one and laugh at how doom-mongery I was at 26. I hope that will happen, more than anything else.
However, I will not be all doom and gloom. I've had this blog since I first got involved in political activism, when I was a fresh-faced sixth-former determined to do some good in the world. My earliest blogs are so cringe-worthy I can't bear to read them - but at least I updated it more regularly then. This last couple of years, I really haven't been good with it. I haven't really done any activism since my very highly-publicised work on transgender rights in mid-2018. I don't know quite why this is - I have often thought about it and planned to do things, but I never seem to quite get around to it. Honestly, I feel I have lost my nerve. I'm much more frightened by the police and the establishment than I once was - probably because now approaching my late twenties, I'm settling down and maturing. A good thing by all accounts, but I think I've lost a bit of my old spirit.
BUT... I'm getting it back. I have to, and so should you if you're reading this. The reason is that this Government is going to be the most horrific we've ever had. I'm sorry to be that frank, but I cannot sugar-coat it. The Conservative Party is the most spiteful and divisive it has been in living memory, and this is the most successful election it has had since the time of Margaret Thatcher. I don't know how much of what it does can be overcome, in all honesty. But we must try. If we don't, it will be even worse than it inevitably will be. Every time we make it so that someone doesn't suffer as much as they otherwise would have, we've won a battle. We can only resist this divisiveness with kindness, caring and compassion.
Thankfully I have some great contacts that I've been talking to about creating a kinder politics, and I'm going to start by throwing my hat into the ring and making a pledge to update this blog every evening. I won't promise that for certain, because we all know that in the past I've had good intentions like that and I haven't always managed to keep up to them. But I'll do my best. Mentally, I'm more focussed on what is going on and how I can help when I'm writing on here. I will keep you updated about all the work I'm doing, and other people are doing, to counter the suffering that this horrible Government is inflicting. I will send you links and keep you motivated. I'll advertise protests, and discuss how they went afterwards.
This is our life calling. I'd rather not be living in an era where our livelihoods depend on how daring we are, but that's hard luck. The Government is counting on us not being organised - let's make sure we are.
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