Rest in peace

When I was 18, I decided to spend a full day not saying a word to anyone. It was the day after Troy Davis was killed, and somehow I felt bound to show my respects in some way. But somehow, just showing respect to one person was not enough. There were so many people killing and being killed that I felt completely bewildered, and those were just the ones the media found it necessary to report on. I spent a full day at sixth form reflecting on this, not saying a word to anyone. I think my teachers found it quite frustrating (sorry Danny if you're reading this!)

I'm not sure if I'd ever do that again. I feel that silences and reflections on death are only worthwhile if they are done for the right reasons - the sole intent being personal reflection. If they are done to show the world that you know how to care, or for political reasons, they are utterly worthless. It is for this reason that I normally refuse to wear poppies on Remembrance Day, take part in silences or adapt my profile picture on Facebook to display the colours of a certain country. It may make someone feel part of something in the moment, but it is generally disempowering and does nothing to change anything. The only part that may be productive is personal reflection, and this must be done when the mood takes you. This is generally not at the same time as anyone else.

I've felt like this again recently. It is in part because of what has happened in Brussels lately, but it is not limited to that. Gaza, Iraq, Syria, parts of the USA... the list goes on. This is not limited to terrorism within Western countries, or even to countries at war generally. This is my general bewilderment at world leaders not being able to sort things out in a way that does not result in people being frightened to leave their homes. I don't think I'm alone in sitting at home and feeling as though things are just hopeless sometimes, that maybe I just don't understand what society is all about.

This is not a particularly productive blog, I'll grant any reader that. It is not intended to make any political point at all, merely to express my own discomfort with the situation in which the nations of this world find themselves. It causes me a lot of anxiety. Perhaps this is the reason why there seems to be more depression and mental illness around these days than there once was - with the technology boom, news reaches people faster and the horrific state of the world is more evident to its citizens.

There is one point I'll make before I sign off though, which is that no matter how non-productive bewilderment can be, it is a thousand times more useful than the political point-scoring that is an inevitable consequence of tragedy. There is a reason that I've avoided blogging about Brussels up until now, and it is that it was obvious that Donald Trump was going to use it to continue his campaign of Islamophobia or that the reality TV contestant whose name I'm not even going to besmirch my blog with would hold anyone who said that Britain's borders should stay open as being personally responsible. A significant event can obviously be used as a benchmark for a policy change, but using one erroneously to promote one's own prejudice is something altogether different.

Depression and reflection can be used for productive purposes. One can take some time on that, remind oneself of one's own humanity and later use that to create a change. Sometimes there are no political points to make concerning multiple deaths, there are no policy changes to recommend or preachy claptrap to spout. Sometimes the only relevant words are 'rest in peace'.

And I shall try to write something a little more coherent next time.