Over the summer, I felt quite politically distant, which is why this blog was not updated for two months. I didn't intend for that to happen; there was so much that I intended to write about - Jeremy Corbyn getting in (yay!), EDL protests (boo!), Pig-gate, refugees, more garbage spouted by those wonderful people Theresa May and George Osborne... yet somehow it felt to me like whatever I wrote about it, it would not make any difference in the slightest.
This was very disconcerting, given that this is precisely the attitude that I preach against. I don't know why this came upon me in such an ungracious fashion. There were, of course, certain personal things that distracted me, but this is always the case and I rarely become apathetic, even if I don't have time to update my blog for a while. Going through this has made me consider a little bit more why others are so apathetic. I know many very intelligent people who somehow, just cannot bring themselves to do anything about this world. I never thought I would be amongst them.
I suppose when I really think about it, the catalyst for me becoming like this was because I felt a lack of control and structure. I have still been reading the news and I have many friends and associates who have kept me updated on things that I need to know about. I have even been to a few political demonstrations this summer, and done some public speaking into the bargain. It has just felt at times to have a lack of momentum, as if I am doing it more because I consider it my duty than because I actually feel that I am going to change anything. It has occurred to me that this may be a mark of me ageing and becoming more cynical - I very much hope not, I think I stand a much better chance of making a difference to people's lives when I am actually expecting to, not least because that is my core motivator.
But... I think I have the solution. My lack of structure is what one of my previous directors would refer to as a 'self-licking lollipop' (which I think is a little odd, how would one go about it? But anyway, I digress.) If I feel disjointed, I fail to give my political side the care and attention that it needs to thrive, therefore I don't feed myself any motivation, therefore my lack of structure continues. Structure is something that comes from within. When I write on this blog, obviously I want people to read my work, but a big part of it is to help me make sense of things on a psychological level. The action of writing these things down and putting them in the public domain allows me the feeling that I actually am doing something positive, and that feeling means that I can continue to involve myself in campaigns without feeling as though my actions are worthless. So from now on, I am going to aim to update this more than I ever have before. I have said that to myself numerous times in the five years that I have been writing this, and very often it doesn't work, but on this occasion I will try harder than I ever have done in the past. I have realised that this blog is my sounding-board, and it is only through frequently writing down my own opinions in a structured way that I am going to maintain the mindset that I need to be a successful activist.
This has been quite an unusual blog post, as it is entirely about me and has very few references to what has been happening. I did wonder briefly if it was even worth posting, given the marked tone difference to how I normally write - but after thinking on it, I realised that it is something that is important to talk about. A lot of people that I know who come across as quite apathetic have proved (probably as much to themselves as anyone else) that they are actually very passionate, if they feel like they are achieving something. I used to feel quite scathing towards people who said that 'nothing I do will make a difference', but I realise now how easy it is to slip into that mindset. If I can do it, anyone can do it. I need to learn from my mistakes and move forward. So please continue to watch this space - there will be more blogs coming, very soon.
George the activist has returned!
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